Wordless Wednesday: Retro Picture – Our first year together

Finally Healing

I sat on the couch, casually folding clothes as Keira played on the floor. Keira circled her static jumperoo, a toy she has not played with in months. I called over to Jason in the kitchen, “you know, I think we should have bought the jumper that hangs in the door jam instead. I think it would have lasted longer and she’d still be interested in it.”

“I think you’re right. We’ll know better for the next one,” he teased with a wink.

I glared at him as he chuckled and I continued folding the clothes. Then I stopped and thought about it… that was the first time since Keira was born that the thought of having another baby didn’t cause my heart to jump and my pulse to race as I flashed back to Keira’s birth.

For months, my thoughts on having a baby were limited “only if we’re adopting!” The memories were still fresh in my mind of the last couple weeks of pregnancy with the painful false labor. Reviewing the “failure” of a natural birth and the subsequent difficult recovery from the caesarian left the wounds too open to even consider the thought of going through it again. With every next step Keira took in her development, my mind was set that THIS would be the last time I experienced this milestone. Keira was the end of the line.

Eleven months later, my body is (very) slowly returning to my pre-pregnancy stage. The wounds, both mentally and physically, are healing. And as I again start to feel the ownership of my body returning to me, the thought of having another baby is no longer unbearable.

Instead, I’m finding myself at a new cross road where there’s determination behind the question of whether to have another baby. If (and that’s a big if) we ever have a baby, I want to prove to myself that I can indeed have the ideal birth. I’m strong enough to make it through natural childbirth. I wouldn’t put my head in the sand without looking into all the elements that would contribute to a healthy birth. A midwife that would monitor the position of the baby. A doula to coach me through progressing labor. Maybe even hypnotic therapy.

Jason and I may not be at that point to decide whether there’s a #4 in our future. But I’m glad I can finally say that I no longer have the cloud of labor fear impairing my judgment.

Wordless Wednesday: Shake it!!

What a Shame

During my latest play-date, a friend and I took our kids to the local mall where a cute inside playground is set up. Since the weather was questionable, it was the perfect place for our kiddos to get their energy out. As I’m following a stumbling-but-walking-baby around,  I over hear two moms talking.

“Did you see that sign out front?”

“Which one?”

“The one outside – it says kids have to be under the bear’s height to play here.”

“Oh yeah. There’s definitely kids here taller than that.”

“Yeah. What a shame.”

I sheepishly looked up at those two women, knowing full well my kids were taller than that sign. Guiltily, I looked to find where the boys were playing. I spied Anthony laughing loudly as he tried to help my friend’s 2 1/2 year old climb up on a giant soccer ball. Mid-climb, the 2 1/2 year old was jumping with a giant grin into Anthony’s arms as he spun him around.

I found Ethan giggling as a younger girl chased him around the play area, carefully dodging the littler ones.

What a shame, indeed.

My Wonderful Kids

I stopped to ponder, what do other parents do that have children straddling the various ages? Does having a  baby when you have school age children mean you now have to choose which kid you should entertain? Should I have left my older kids at home?

I glanced over at the arcade and walked to my purse to grab some money, handing each boy their share to head on over to play some games. “Ohhh! Thanks, Mom!” and off they rushed off.

Maybe that’s the trick. Maybe it’s finding a place that has something for the both of them. Unfortunately, it’s hard to find any sort of family time if you’re constantly separating the kids to more “age appropriate” levels. And besides, maybe the boys really didn’t want to play in the play area.

However, only a few moments went by until the boys were chucking their prizes they won into my purse so they could get back to playing with the younger kids. Looking at the younger kids, they were happy to have them back, as they quickly proceeded into tackling each other and tumbling around.

Sometimes being a parent means enforcing the rules. And sometimes, it means breaking the rules in the interest of fairness.

Friday Five (a little different)

Five Signs that our Kids are growing up too0 quickly!

1. Walking: It may only be a few steps at a time without quickly grabbing hold of something, but Keira is up and moving and shows no signs of sitting back down.

2. Humor: Anthony is starting to study and master the fine art of Sarcasm.

3. Reading: Ethan is reading and understanding books way beyond his reading level. He is currently reading “Two Towers” by Tolkien.

4. Food: Keira is more and more interested in eating solids rather than her bottle and she LOVES to feed herself and make a mess for Daddy and Mommy to clean up. She’ll at least try anything you put on her plate. She may slip it to the dogs if she doesn’t like it but she’ll at least try it.

5. Girls!! The boys may not admit it, but I know what’s coming. I’ve been there. Girls come around and their pre-teen brain turns to gooo. People kiss on TV and they are no longer covering their eyes and looking away. They take side ways glances out the corner of their eyes at the Victoria’s Secret catalog before I get a chance to throw it away!

Wordless Wednesday: Baby’s First Playdate

My Son Likes Pink

Anthony walked into the kitchen, hopped up on his breakfast stool. He began his morning ritual of talking our ear off as Papa prepared breakfast and I worked on getting my lunch together for work. As I glanced over at Anthony, I noticed Anthony was twirling a necklace in his fingers. A pink necklace.

“Anthony – Where did you get that necklace?”

“Oh, I found it.”

“You found it?” I asked skeptically. I was convinced my 11 year old son must be currently “dating” and was wearing his girlfriend’s necklace. A little unconventional but who was I to judge?

“Yeah – I found it at school. It attaches by a magnet! Isn’t that cool!?!”

Ahhh… I got it. The coolness of the magnet over-powered the fact that the necklace was pink. And from that point on, I rarely saw Anthony without that particular necklace around the house. I wondered if the other kids at school teased him at all about the necklace. But knowing Anthony, he wasn’t one to care what other people said about him.

A week later, I walked into Anthony’s room and saw his bed was covered with the pink polka dot blanket that we had originally purchased to use as a beach blanket. I laughed. When he walked into the room, he took one defense look towards me and proclaimed “I was cold!”

“What about your dragon blanket?” I had originally bought him a dragon duvet cover with a super “manly” dragon breathing fire.

“Oh – that one isn’t as warm as the pink blanket.”

I laughed. “You could always put the dragon blanket over it.” He shrugged. Well, okay. If he didn’t care, I wasn’t going to care!

Time after time, I’ve seen Anthony turn “color blind” to colors that would typically be seen as “girly”. While Ethan has a set understanding that boys like blue and girls like pink, Anthony just doesn’t seem to care. If the blanket gets the job done, who cares what color

"So what if it's pink!!"

it is? While he’d prefer to have everything in his room black, falling asleep under a pink polka dot blanket isn’t going to ruin his day. (In contrast, Ethan would have an ultimate melt down if I were to ever suggest such a thing!)

With this blog post in my mind, I asked Anthony if he would pose with a bright pink car. After taking the picture, he turned to me and said, “You’re not going to post this on Facebook are you!?!”

“No – I was going to put it on our blog.”

“What!?”

“Well, I was thinking of explaining how you don’t seem to care what color things are. If it’s useful, you’re going to use it!”

He nodded thoughtfully. “That is so true. Alright, post it!”

That’s my boy….