The Regrets of an Adoptive Mom

Everyone lives with a couple of regrets in their lives – those key moments in life when you really wish you would have done something different.

Anthony is born

When Anthony was born, I was in my final years of high school. I was a proud Auntie of my first nephew and cooed over him constantly. I treasure the picture of me holding him for the first time. I had all summer to spend with him before going off to college. Then again for Thanksgiving and Christmas. There were TONS of pictures of him!!

The following summer, I came home from college. I made it home just in time for Ethan’s birth and was in charge of chasing Anthony around the waiting room. As Ethan was so tiny, I spent most of my summer with fun, energetic, toddler Anthony. Together, Anthony and I created many memories and stories during that summer.

Unfortunately for Ethan, that was the last year I came back home for the summer. As an upcoming college grad, I was eager to begin my post-college life and spent summers abroad and doing internships. I didn’t realize how much I was missing back home with the boys and the rest of my family.

Last year we were going through the adoption of these boys while I was also pregnant with Keira. I didn’t want the boys to feel left out of the baby process and decided to make a baby book for the both of them. I found TONS of pictures of Anthony. So much so that I had a hard time picking which ones to use. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case with Ethan.

Ethan's beautiful painting

As Ethan was going through his cute fun baby and toddler years, his biological parents were moving around and eventually going through a divorce. I wasn’t around. And the boys had points where they just weren’t around for my parents to take pictures. In the time-line of family pictures, there’s a huge gap during the Baby Ethan & Toddler Ethan years.

I can tell that this hurts Ethan at times. As he’s watching Keira grow and learn, he asks questions about his own baby years. “What was my first word? When did I learn to walk? When did I get my first tooth?” I can only say “I don’t know”. The only stories I have are that he was a very needy baby,  needing to be held constantly. It’s not exactly the most happy story to tell.

I regret not being there for Ethan as a baby. I wish I had been able to provide him with support and be there for all those little moments. I wish I had witnessed him becoming a young little man. I wish I had the pictures and the stories for him to smile over sweetly about what a great baby he was. The only thing I can do now is to be there for all the rest of the important times in his life.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Brenda Boitson
    Sep 06, 2010 @ 10:37:22

    There are so many “should coulda woulda”s in life, but you should be soooo happy to be able to create such a close, intimate future with not only Ethan, but also with Anthony & Keira. You and Jason have created this amazing little/big family that is full of many great future memories. I am excited to see MANY pictures of all those things. What matters is what lies ahead and how you can create the future.


  2. Michelle Moll
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 01:50:01

    What I love dear sweet cousin is that you love that boy enough to make sure the rest of his firsts will be documented, captured, treasured and kept. God made an incredible creation when he formed you. I ‘regret’ not being closer growing up and getting to watch you become this woman with a heart of gold.


  3. mia stringer
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 15:46:56

    Do you have any contact with your brother anymore? Can he give you any of these stories so you can tell them? I agree you are an amazing person. You have always been there for me growing up. Despite my mother trying to keep us apart! lol There is no doubt that Ethan will have so many memories moving forward, but if you could find out anything about his early childhood, he may appreciate that too. Love you and I am sure you are doing a great job!


  4. Trackback: 2010 in review « Domestic Deeds

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