The Great Mommy Divide

Last weekend, I took a trip to BabiesRUs to pick up some much needed baby supplies. While I was there, I cruised the jumperoo and baby entertainer aisle to price items for Keira. There in the aisle was a very pregnant woman picking out items for her registry. She cooed over the sleeping Keira in my arms and we chatted about her upcoming bundle of joy. We exchanged information on what we heard about different toys. And eventually I walked off to get my baby supplies.

Later, she found me in the bottle aisle, picking up extra bottles. “Oh, I’m glad you’re here! Can you recommend any good bottles??”

“Sure! No problem! Are you breastfeeding?”

And then I got “the look”. The look of “how dare you ask me that”. “No,” she replied. And I watched as she visibly shut down on me.

I tried to keep my face blank. “Oh. Okay. Well, you’ll have more options since you don’t have to worry about nipple confusion. I’ve heard this brand is good.” And pointed out a particular bottle.

“Okay, thanks.” And off she ran. (Or waddled, cause she WAS 8 months pregnant.) Later, I saw her in another aisle; she completely ignored me.

Really? Because I breastfeed and you won’t, we’ve now created the Great Mommy Divide.

That’s the sad part. It seems moms are so quick to try and separate themselves from other moms. We’re focusing on all the differences between us instead of being supportive of everything that we do the same. The truth is that every mom has a different parenting style and makes different parenting choices. That’s what makes each baby, child, adult so different. But we’re still doing the same job. We still want the same outcome: a happy, healthy baby. Perhaps if moms were quicker to accept that, we’d all feel a lot less guilt and judgement.

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mia Stringer
    Aug 02, 2010 @ 12:54:01

    Hi KT!

    I like reading your blog! =) I will not be breast feeding cause it freaks me out. lol. But I love you just the same!

    Miss you so much!

    Mia

    Reply

  2. Melinda Dicharry
    Aug 02, 2010 @ 15:48:25

    Hi KT,

    She probably reacted that way because EVERYBODY askes “are you breastfeeding?” Of course, it was pertinent to your conversation. It’s funny how often I am asked that and I’m only 4 months along. I’m sure by 8 months I’ll be tired of that question. (And my answer will keep changing back and forth!)

    I agree with you, whether a mom decides to breastfeed or bottlefeed, stay at home or return to work, we should be supportive of one another.

    Reply

    • Kirsten Deeds
      Aug 02, 2010 @ 15:57:07

      Great point, Melinda! Sometimes you can’t make decisions until you’re holding that baby in your arms. (If you do decide to BF and have questions, I have some good resources I can send your way.)

      And don’t get me started on the stay at home/go back to work debate! That’s another blog post entirely. 🙂

      Reply

  3. Jackie Kushto
    Aug 02, 2010 @ 16:52:00

    That’s sad, but having had quite a few baby conversations with people lately I can understand her reaction. You are accepting, not everyone is. She probably fears that question because of the preachers who feel their way is the only way. To bad she didn’t realize you aren’t like that and you wouldn’t make her feel bad for her choices.

    Reply

  4. Trackback: 2010 in review « Domestic Deeds

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